the balikbayan box

while watching final destination, i thought about what could have happened if an airplane and its cargo plane (is it called that? you know, where you put your luggages?), mixed with internationals, crashed and landed on a snowy mountainous region similar to that movie where they ended up eating each other (which i'm sure you all know the title and i don't) . i believe that only the filipino would survive. one big brown box full of chocolates, corned beef, vitamins, spam, clothes (even sweaters in a tropical country, for god's sake), shoes, magazines (in case of boredom) and the like would suffice. and in a month or so, i'm sure the filipino would be the last one standing. that is if he's a selfish old lying loner who doesn't share, which is an unusual trait for our nationality.

faqs
1) how will the filipino know that the box is his?
by the color of the rope. whatever. filipinos can tell, you know. they have various tricks for identification purposes because no, they wouldn't want to mix it with some lesser quantity.

2) how will they open the cans without can opener?
in the can it reads: in case of emergency, use your teeth.

3) how is it that a balikbayan box is kept intact amidst a cargo crash? wouldn't it have sagged from the snow by the time it reaches ground level so everything is spread elsewhere?
why yes, of course, but fuck you and get an imagination.