the dating game

miguel and i had an argument about how some women prefer to date people they know already than meet up with some random person and know them through a date. i prefer the former. i prefer to know the one i'm dating with, i prefer that he and i had some history together before i actually divulge myself into the getting-to-know-him-much-better part, and i prefer group dates first before the "real thing." it's not actually a killing-me-softly thing to men for some women who would rather be taken out on the mid-part of the relationship. it's just that, it's a scary (well for me anyway) feeling to be in a room with a semi-stranger who has no idea who i am. what if he won't like me back? wouldn't that be scary to women? then at least, if we were friends, then there won't be any rejection happening because it was a friendly date anyway, and after that, you're going home as friends and that's the end of that.

i guess it depends upon what "date" means to me. it's being with someone who you actually want to be with without feeling cautious about it. i guess i've had too much time watching those date shows that the meaning of "date" to me is something more intimate then what it is supposed to. but truth is, being stuck with a guy, be it someone close to me or someone i barely know, SCARES me. it scares me because:
1) i have never had any experience going out one-on-one with guys.
(well there were some instances, but i felt comfortable with it because i've known them for so long that it was actually time to do it.)
2) i have never had any serious friendships with guys.
3) i spent a third of my life without knowing a lot of guys.
(never enrol your children in an all-girls school. trust me.)

so there, migs. it's not about being maarte. it's about being uncomfortable, being scared, and being unexperienced, actually. i've rejected a bunch of guys asking me out because i, well, i do not want to be taken too fast. i want us to be on the same level by the time we date. i don't want myself to end up scaring him because of my paranoia and nervousness.

so if anyone does want to date people like me, set it up as a group. it will make me open up much more. and NEVER rush things. a good three months of talking on the phone will be preferred before the dating actually begins. you'll never know: the first date might actually end with a first kiss.