i am a fob and damn proud of it.

f.o.b. n 1: fresh off the boat. 2: a derogatory term coined to refer to immigrants who are characterized by distinguishable accents, untrendy clothing, and non-westernized rituals.

it's one thing to be called an immigrant and another to be called a fob, but both mean the same to me: i was not raised here, therefore i do not act the way they do. the word fob, however, is much more of an insult called upon by asians to asian immigrants alike who just came to the u.s., california especially. most unethical of all, it is an everyday vocabulary for filipino-americans to degrade filipinos who look just like them.

no one has called me a fob right in my face (yet), but i am aware that they look at me that way. you think immigrants are so lucky to move out of the philippines, but we face yet another hurdle of being discriminated just because we do not conform to the american style and fashion sense. for example, i do not put makeup on, i do not dress skimpy clothing with tight-ass jeans, nor do i french kiss boyfriends right outside of the classroom. by those actions, by the mere act of defying the in thing, i am immediately a fob. i guess it doesn't really mean much to me being labeled as that. it's just that, the only people who call me a fob are the people who look just like me. it's in the filipino blood: filipinos hate each other, and they hate where they come from. it's annoying to see fil-ams looking at other filipinos that way. just because they were born here does not, in any way, mean they are better. well, they're probably better in english, but come on..that's not exactly the basis of everything. for all i know, they can be vain assholes or stupid retards, but fil-ams are always higher in standing, because they conform to the western way of life.

when i come in to the classroom, there's always a group for filipino-americans and filipino-immigrants -- and there's no way that both of them could mix, no way to make these opposite poles attract. sometimes i just want to hit those fil-ams in the head and tell them how difficult it is to try to fit in to the new world, where nothing seems familiar and where everything doesn't feel right. it's not fucking easy to live in a place with shampoos costing P500, and cellphone bills adding up to P10,000. living here is a struggle, and honestly, the way they label people just because we have an accent or because we don't wear the innest thing available is offensive. if they only knew how shocking it is to be culturally deprived of what one has learned to grow up with, then they'll learn that coming here in the u.s. is one of the hardest things that any teenager has to face. i hate to say this, but at least we're better than these people: we speak two languages, and we're not scared to admit where we come from. no pretensions, no whitewashing, just us -- take it or leave it.

so yes, i am a fob. i wear tshirts. i do ponytails. i don't wear make-up. i have no boyfriend. i don't go to places. i have a thick accent. i say dine in and take out instead of to go or for here. i say transfer instead of put in. i kiss my grandpa after he takes me off to school. i say cr instead of restroom. i do the wrong stuff. i ask too many questions. i do not wear the recent blings. i say aray. i do everything you don't normally do. i speak my native language fluently. i refuse to make out. i talk filipino, dress filipino, act filipino, heck even smell filipino. but at least i'm being true to myself.

i am a fob and damn proud of it.